i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
