She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
