new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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