I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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