Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
