grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
