Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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