maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize