Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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