I puked a lego.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
