omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
