Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
