you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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