Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
