Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
