Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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