we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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