there's paper in my vomit.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
