every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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