Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
