I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
