do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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