Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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