He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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