Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
