He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
