One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
