hell yes lets make some ravioli
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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