hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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