I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
