We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
