I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
