I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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