There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
