maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
