she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize