every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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