Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
