Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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