Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
