i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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