I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
