She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
