we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
