I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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