I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
