Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
