He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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