Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
