It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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