what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
