Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The adults are the big ones right?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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