i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
send nudes
from the living room?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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