she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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