i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
