he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
