well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
