if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
