I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I supernannyed him into submission
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