k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
