Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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