Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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