I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
where does the pee come out of this thing
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
