My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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