i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Let's get the cat blown out
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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