Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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