You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
