I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
