I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
