the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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