i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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