8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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