so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
