did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
