I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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