Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
