She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize